Losing herself in people who don’t deserve her was her hobby. she was used to falling in love, intense love every few days and then what followed was inevitable heartbreaks and long spells of depression. Life otherwise was a routine, actually, this too was a part of her routine. This story is one of her escapades of love, longing for love, of letting it go and then hanging on. The end, however, as they say, is a beginning of something new to come … haven’t met her in while but the story sure has a beginning and here is how it goes…

The new year had just begun and life had taken an unexpected turn of events, her routine zone had changed and from being the moral role bearer of the house she had turned into a rebel. Single again, free, all willing to take life as it comes and fight all odds to conquer the never visited realms she always dreamed of. the events were fast and realizations hit her quite late, regrets weren’t any but the habit of constantly being attached to someone was now taking a toll, loneliness, and lack of companionship did hit her in an uncanny way. she soon wasn’t aware of who was her and if she could fall in love again, she was good at that you know…

So this time with her newly found void that made her feel empty inside she came across this guy, not very her kinds, but there was something that was unique about him. crazy romantic as Shah Rukh in movies, obsessed to get her to say yes, ready to go to lengths to make her happy, someone she had never come across, someone who she had dreamt of but didn’t believe actually existed and someone who actually made her feel 16 again. he was someone who believed in her existence more than his own.

it was a change that was difficult to interpret let alone handle. With more than a decade being taken for granted and being left alone to deal with your fears and backlogs when you get someone who is obsessed with your very existence it tough to deal with it. She tried pretty hard to steer clear, knowing her luck with love, with intense love which she could now feel creeping deep under her skin. The more she tried to avoid the connect the more she felt drawn to him, the more she kept the mobile away, the more she craved to hear his voice, the more she decided to go away from him, the more she wanted to be in his arms.

The late night talks,  the voice notes, the chats on WhatsApp, the hearts sent as emojis,

this is exactly how the conversations would often go…

She: Do you really love me?

He: why would you ask?

She: cause I want to hear that!

He: you are strong, you bring cheer to me, like they say in the song you are my sunshine and that’s exactly how you are dear. 

She: wow stop, stop it that’s too much praise for me to live with

He: no my love, you have no clue, you are my pride and my life too.

she blushed more often when he praised her, she could feel the love flow free through her veins.

The small little gifts, the balloons, the cake, the sweet nothing notes written on the chocolates, all seemed like a dream coming through, it seemed like she had found someone who could love her true.

Days passed like seconds and soon it was time when he had to leave. He was in her town for the matter of days, it was some project he was working on though he had mentioned he would soon leave she wasn’t really ready for it. I mean how would she be, he had just met her they had just started talking, the love was taking shape rapidly and soon he was to go … far away. Deep down in her hear,t she knew this day would come when he would leave and won’t turn around. for all the love, care obsession he had shown all these days would soon be over and what wold remain be another void, making her feel lonely again, empty inside. and so the day came… promises of coming back didn’t sound true, it didn’t feel right, the void had started to take a shape, the pain creeping in, the breathing was difficult, the being on float was next to impossible. in the midst of all that she had to manage her life without showing a glimpse of the pain to life around.

Days passed and obsession grew, the void now prominent could be felt and seen. it was dark and deep and coming off it was proving to be an unending struggle. it had made her incapable of moving, incapable of being happy, incapable of surviving, of living, of being alive.

Then started the phase of phone calls and demand for time, of missing him, and wanting the so-called association to survive.

The struggle is long, it’s been a few months now but to everyone it feels like a life time, it feels like an era of depression, of holding back tears, of being brave and putting up the show, of living a life that didn’t belong to her.

the void has become eternal now, the acceptance has begun to creep in.. she is empty again with void, waiting to fall in love. It’s the eighth month of the year now she is back in her routine, feeling complete with the void, out of one intense love affair and ready to fall for yet another … intense intense love affair

Photo by bruce mars on Pexels.com