She stood there with her hands folded leaning on the door frame looking at the lift door close behind him as he leaves the studio.

She helds her gaze still till he disappeared, she knews he will come back but the fear of loss always lurks around too evident to miss.

This time around he didn’t hold my hand, he didn’t say love you, his hug wasn’t tight enough, his work must have increased, he must have had some tension, was his sugar on a higher side or did his hypertension really worked him up ir was it his travel schedule messing him up. Her mind was racing in all directions trying to analyse and over analyse the situations and events, experienced in past two days of their stay together. She was sure something was a miss. He assured her all the while that everything was normal and yet there was a feeling of hollowness that kept distracting her throughout.

This time around she cooked everything she knew he liked, the food, the bedsheet, the midly fragrant air freshners, the décor tastefully done with mellow colours to suit his taste. She was at the studio a day prior. Studio was their getaway. He had bought it for both of them.  The studio apartment was on the top most floor of a sky scraper with a small terrace. There were no grills to the windows or doors and terrace parapet was a new age see through glass. The place was one big room with a kitchenette on the right of the entrance, big enough to cook a meal but too small to cater to a family. The was equipped with a coffee maker, a small neat refrigerator, a cooking range, mixer and a few tastefully picked bake wares and cooking utensils. Just opposite that was a small round breakfast table just for two,  with mats laid out and dishes kept faced down waiting for entrées to be served. Everything in the kitchen and dinning areas was in two numbers, two coffee mugs, two breakfast plates, two dinners plates, two soup bowls and so two was very clearly announced.

Studio had a small terrace, small enough for them to sit there and have tea while watching the sun come up and city take on a new day and big enough for them to cuddle watching the stars come out in the night.

On the extreme left was a bed, a big bed complete with fluffy mattress and quilts, big pillows and comforters. The bed throws always had geometrical designs, stripes and so on. Next to the bed stood a big old oak wood wardrobe in its full grandeur.   One side was his and one was hers to keep.  In all their meetings in the studios she hated to leave the studio after him. The empty studio, the wrinkled sheets. The empty coffee mugs made her miss him more. More than ever. So when they took over the studio it was decided that she would always leave the place first and then he would follow. The other rule was that he would not be obsessed with the cleaning and dusting of the sheets as soon as they got into the going home zone. She didn’t like wrinkles being straightened out in haste… it felt her memories where getting wiped out , for her they were the marks of leaving behind the inhibitions of real world and a walk to the beautiful land where she was free to be with someone she so adored, alone to be with him, alive and herself while being with him…

This time around the visit wasn’t planned, the routine dictated their getting together was scheduled for the last weekend of the month and this was just the second. This was a  ad hoc  meet, something that was pretty unlike him. She was the impulsive one  not him. He was the composed one and yet this time around he had insisted on meeting on a very short notice. 

Today was different, the meet was different he had insisted on meeting on impulse or had he been thinking about it for a while. She didn’t ask but she was a little lost with the whole thing. He was different this time, he didn’t speak much, he just wanted to hold her, not cook but order, not ready to wait back but leave early before her.  There was something amiss something very evident but he didn’t want to share. She waited at the door when he left giving her a peck on her forehead and saying I love you so much. She wondered what was wrong, ” he never says love you that’s always implied” she said to her self still standing in the door. It was hard for her to turn around now, she didn’t want to go in. In all these years she had not done that, it was depressing, very depressing. The studio was meant for both, both together, the bed, the dinning table, the kitchenette, the sleeping bag still warm on the terrace…

She wondered what was on, turning back she realised she had not had her tea as yet. He made it today even before she woke up…. Did he have tea ? She wondered and sat at the chair… The magazine lying on the table had not caught her eye yet..she held it to glance through it while she finished her tea..it had a whole big breaking news pics of her and him flashed across the cover… Flaunting their relationship shamelessly in public the magazine had left no stone unturned to rip apart their lives and make a mockery of it… She sighed, it wasn’t new, with show biz as life sustaining tool these side effects were bound to happen, ” this too shall pass ” she remembered he saying it before but this time he had not said that. He was a bit sad, his family was dragged into it…they both had decided to stop meeting for a while and her preparations for traveling abroad were almost complete. That sure would give media some time to find a new host to haunt…was their plan.

She sipped on her tea thinking rather planning her day to come….the wreaking task of putting the bed together and wiping the memories was hers, to do today.

She felt a Shiver run down her spine When she looked at the sleeping bag, she walked towards it and slipped in it involuntarily. It still smelled of him, it was warm, she loved the feeling, it was like being with him Even when he wasn’t around.

Surprised by her bodies reaction to the tea she slowly slipped away in dreams. She could feel him close to her while she closed her eyes feeling peaceful.

Days passed and months, he didn’t returned to the studio….the magazine now was searching a new breaking news…. the last one Read…

The courts to decide guilty or innocent…he still remains a suspect…