(its a blog from past) i dont remember the last time i was truthful to myself regarding the relationships i so want to work………. everytime something went wrong or something needed mending or something needed to be sorted out i would pretend that “TIME” is the answer for every problem and turn my back to it working things out and resurrecting all i could to get the life back to normal……….

no one ever saw the damage it did to me and my self esteem ……… over a period of time i realised i am getting used to having no self esteem at all…………. its convenient to not bother about respect or importance or a little attention ( ofcourse the demand for attention that my dog and my daughter has kills me already and the attention they give me at times is too much to bear) or pretend u dont need it especially when getting it seems to be like a eternal struggle 

when i think about my past i think the lies and betrayal were two things i hated the most and wanted them to be at a minimal ………… i mean think about it logically i dont think there is a real concept as truthful person……… neway so these were the two things that made me angry alot ……… in past few years i kinda learnt to live with them as well……. some evolving ha…………. and then yesterday while i was giving my life a thought and i would blame the thinking to be initiated due to PMS………. i realise that i was betraying myself more than anyone one else …………

why was i living a life that i ddnt want……. certainly dont deserve and pretending alls well when nothing was………….. i am not sure i am gonna get answers very soon as we are eternally gifted with ability to put of with shit all the time …… but then again……… i am kinda bored of living a life that is dominated by circumstances…….. now i dont want to live a life like that…… would love to live a life that i dominate with results that i want to achieve rather than be happy with results that are coming my way

well 2013 certainly looks happening from here right now…………. atleast today 🙂